I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
