a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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