is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like abortions should bother me more
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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