i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
