I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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