I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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