Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
