It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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