I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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