Your face is a jimmy john
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
