Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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