forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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