dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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