come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize