3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
