so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize