Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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