I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
