I want to stick my p in your. b.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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