I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're like the curious george of whores
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
