soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
