he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
