just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize