After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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