just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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