I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
