Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
