I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
is it fun? or sober?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
