Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
