She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
