Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
