I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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