Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
