I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
