so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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