This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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