I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
