I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
