Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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