she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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