I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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