i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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