is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
