if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
