I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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