i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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