imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
