I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
