I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
