He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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