How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
