Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
