I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
