Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
