he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
