Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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