I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
