i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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