my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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