sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
