Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
