I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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