I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just googled if crying burns calories
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
