ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize