On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize