I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
