another moral hangover. fuck.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
