This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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