just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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