Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
