Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
