I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize