I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
