roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize