Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
