you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
