Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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