Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
