Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
