I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
