i think i have herpe
just one?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
