I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The air taste purple.
Randomize
