Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
