i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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