But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize