Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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