I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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