i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
