John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
