I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
