You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize