She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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