the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
