im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
