Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
