everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
