the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
