It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize