If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize