so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
