I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
