The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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