My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
